“I’ve been having trouble sleeping Dr. I stay up all night and through the early hours of the morning, lying in my bed staring at the ceiling fan go round and round. Almost as if in a trance. Not quite awake, not quite asleep. I am overcome by thought. Thoughts that flirt with the world of dreams till I am no longer able to distinguish reality from fantasy. Every morning I am rudely startled by my shrill alarm. It is so loud, so disgustingly tangible and real that it makes my heart flutter with fear and anger and all those muddy emotions. I feel exhausted all day. It feels like I never sleep at all. Even though I do technically ‘wake up’ every morning… I… I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t think you would understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
It's horrible Dr. it's as if all your worries seep into even the most romantic of dreams. I feel in control of everything, so conscious, so present, and yet, everything slips away from me. Try as hard as I might to take control of myself, it feels like everything I have are minute grains of sand that slip through my knuckles and fall to the floor. My life… It's like… an hourglass. Yes, that’s it Dr. that’s the best way to describe it. Everything, including time slips away from me. The time that I should be asleep, I spend forcing myself to dream and the time when I am awake, I spend forcing myself not to dream.
People are beginning to notice Dr. My work is sloppy and It shows. My boss called me in the other day and she asked me what was the matter, what was troubling me… and truly I had no answer. It's not as if I have particularly unusual burdens. I worry a lot, but I worry about money and dying alone, like most other people in the world do. It feels foolish to verbalize such common issues. I mean if you choose to live in a city, you basically sign up to live with these problems, don’t you? So why do I not get to sleep Dr? Why am I not able to harness effectively, the little time I have rationed for escapism? Why does it slip away from me?
I swear Dr. one day, after a particularly rough night, I jolted awake to the ringing of my alarm and I dragged myself out of bed. I got ready and I rushed to my car. I was running late for work, you see. And I swear as I was waiting in the snail-paced traffic of a Tuesday morning, I looked out the car window and saw the Moon. The Moon, Dr. at 10AM, on a bright summer day, I saw the Moon. It was just for a few seconds until the Sun rose again. But nobody else seemed bothered they continued to honk and make their way to work, or whatever other obligations, summoned them that day. So, I went on with mine too. But mind you Dr. I saw the moon in the morning. Isn’t that something?”
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