In an effort to continue discussions around the themes of consent, safety and normalisation ofsexual violence in our society, Nirnay, the Legal Club at Krea, screened the movie ‘Pink’ on the 29th of August (Wednesday). Whether watching it for the first time or the nth, the movie hits hard and goes deep because of the continuing relevance it possesses. The “Women’s Safety Guide” introduced by Amitabh Bacchan’s character Deepak Sehgal has sustained itself remarkably well. Time of day, mannerisms, concerns about what others may perceive of you, a woman has to think and keep in mind everything, she is required to see herself from countless other perspectives to prevent the risk of coming off as one with “questionable character.” Her choices are made and approved by others, there lies no tolerance for women’s transgressions of what is “normal.” Violence and oppression are meant to keep the boundaries of what can and cannot be done intact.
Patriarchy needs institutions for sustenance and law seems to provide ample ground, law, the police, lawyers (particularly if they are men like the one defending the boys in the movie, or are we also realising offscreen, women as well!),but also uses the silence of the bystanders, the simple “good guy” friends. It's these underlying players that pose the real threat, it's the way language surrounding women from acche khandaan and vaise aurate is portrayed, the way hamari behene aise nahi karte. It is infuriating just how patronising and paternalistic the characters in the film were shown to be (and fairly accurate), a woman is supposed to be treated like a child her whole life, with no agency or choices of her own but at the same time expected to nurture and care and be selfless for others. Everything attributed to her and remotely related to her being and person, is faulted when her bodily autonomy and space is violated (most of the time by a MAN). Watching the film, one could hear the sounds of annoyance, anger and also laughter and smiles when Deepak Sehgal addressed the misogynistic remarks and tendencies of the men around him, much needed breath of fresh hair from a movie more than 8 years old!
In the discussion that followed, consent rightfully was brought up. Consent unless given is not consent, it’s a no. Consent depends on will, you can be willing one minute and unwilling the next, consent fluctuates and is not a constant, much to the sheer disappointment and fear of the so called male allies taking a stance against criminalising marital rape or “pati-patni ke vaivaahik sambandh”. To reduce an entire person to a vessel where only a reproductive organ and part is glorified, takes a special kind of insidiousness. Statements are and have been made on women’s bodies, wake up, rape and sexual violence is not about desire all the time, its about power and its exercise, its about making a statement. I feel though, its not just rape, but sexual violence is all its forms to the time and circumstance, that play a part in making this statement. When women are favoured, when they are successful, when they are working and live alone and have male colleagues, when they get a promotion from their male boss, when they are at a rock concert and befriend a group of guys through a school friend and make the mistake of trusting them. It's a double edged sword, a woman can get ahead and be perfectly capable, but at the end of the day, she is a woman, not a man, so it can’t be that simple.
How is a woman supposed to behave? One often would find stand up comedians (men in most cases) joking about how hard it is to understand a woman, not just comedians, films, books, sitcoms, jokes made by married men; the woman is this enigmatic but at the same time bane of existence with her uncertain nature and behaviour, she isn’t easy to understand. Ever wondered why? Because she’s constantly dealing and making sense of dualities and contradictions placed as a precondition to her identity as a woman! She is trying to figure out what people want, her family wants, her colleagues, acquaintances want, and if what she has in mind for herself is in any way compatible with them! Compatibility,flexibility, sacrifice, selflessness, unconditional love and support- these form cornerstones of her identity. They are given to and not chosen by her.
Constantly having to explain herself, her needs, constantly having to pander and bend to those around, constantly being on alert, constantly thinking and rethinking what was worn, said, how she behaved, constantly in fear, on edge, tired and exhausted, does it ever end. Constantly understanding, never being understood, constantly being told and never talked to, being protected and told to be safe but basically just depriving and restricting and letting the immaturity and severe lack of discipline and upbringing of men continue. It is high time the men got their act together, this film is a lesson for the boys.
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